Reaching out to Others

Pain. It cuts deep and hits hard. It weighs on shoulders and drags one's eyes down from their heavenward gaze.

I've seen a lot of it. I've been on the receiving end of some, but mostly, what pains me most is seeing others suffer. I have experienced more of the evil in this world through dealing with others. I'm a janitor; I pick up the messes this world leaves behind. God has appointed me to this task and I never start my job without Him. If I went it alone, I would be crushed.

Outreach, especially one that deals with emotional pain, is tiresome. I know firsthand that when I am walking someone through their past or present pain I am worn and weak by the end of it. This is because I must shoulder my burdens, as well as take their pain and burdens off their shoulders to relieve the gravity they feel. This pain doesn't magically go away; it becomes placed on me. 

When God first started my ministry of simply listening and comforting others, I didn't realize this. I had to learn from scratch, and God taught me hard and fast through painful and severe examples. I want to offer some advice that I have found helpful, so you won't have to learn the way I did. 

The picture below shows a picture of an emotionally broken. They are fine physically, yet have no idea who they are. Switchfoot's song "Thrive" gives us another view of this pain:

"Am I a man when I feel like a ghost?
The man in the mirror is wearing my clothes.
No, I'm not alright. I know I'm not alright.
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive;
a warm body don't mean I'm alive." - Switchfoot

Pain blinds. And what you, the caregiver, must do is lead the hurting to pull off those blinders. It is NOT your pain, and it is not your fight. I used to think that I was the one that needed to heal them, to make them better. And I was wrong. All I earned for trying to fix people was their frustration with me and my own wounded heart. Pain is a real, tangible enemy. We CANNOT defeat it as humans. We can lessen it, we can dampen it, but we will not defeat it. Only Jesus can do that.

We must PRAY for the hurting. Before we speak with them, while we speak with them, and after the conversation is closed. God deeply respects intercessory prayer, and so we should act in faith and confidence, humble ourselves, and pray when those others cannot. We become their lips and their voices when we pray for others. We, sometimes, are the only way their requests for healing are brought before God; they are too ashamed to do it themselves. Be willing to be an intercessor, through prayer, between them and God.

Don't offer answers when you don't know them. So many times I was asked very difficult questions, including the dreaded, "Why does a loving God allow pain and suffering?" At the time, I didn't have answers. I just knew God wanted me helping them. So I would through theological answers and round-a-bout explanations, sometimes missing the point entirely. Don't complicate things. They need love, not an accurate answer. If you don't know or can't explain it in a way that is simple, forget it. Just be there for them; answers can be given when they are more able to think.

Keep them going. Do not just help someone, then leave. Offer support! I tell those I'm supporting that I have an open door policy; I'm willing to stop whatever I'm doing to listen to stress and open my heart. The only times when this doesn't apply is school and sleep. If I see a notification that needs attending to, I jump on it instantly. It is so important to be there NOW than later; many times I have missed notifications or calls and when I get back to them, they no longer want to talk. That's a chance for ministry down the drain.

Walk beside them. Tell them that you two are TOGETHER in this, and understand the implications! Treat their pain as if it were your own; don't try and defeat it for them, but offer them other ways of escape when they can't find it themselves. If they deal with cutting, do whatever it takes to stop them without use of force! Make then want to stop cutting. Don't just tell them it's bad and destructive, because they KNOW that already. They don't like it any better than you do, but it's a way to externalize pain too long hidden from public view. Same goes with drugs and alcohol. 

Writing, for me, is my out. Figure out what THEIR escape can be; something constructive. Many people need to head to the gym, talk over coffee, go on a walk, something... figure that out and participate with them! You cannot be helpful and supportive when they decide they want to do something you don't want to do; if you drop out, they are left for dead just like they were before you showed up. You are God's hands and feet, so WALK with them through this pain.

Offer your burdens, and their burdens, to Jesus Christ, who is strong enough to shoulder both. He is the only One who can bear not only your cross and my cross, but all of the world's. I heard a song once that said that while we carry our crosses, Jesus will carry us. Do NOT hold onto your own pain, thinking you are strong enough to press through. You aren't. Caregiving is a ministry of humility, you MUST be willing to admit to others that you don't have answers, you don't have strength, or you went through a similar (possibly embarrassing) experience. Meeting someone heart to heart rather than just giving encouragement is what you must do; and if you are holding onto your own pain, you won't be able to wade through theirs. You'll sink. Give EVERYTHING to Jesus; your pain, their pain, and let Him shoulder it. He can handle it all, I promise.

God has given me a spirit of empathy, which has been a little crazy, because I will understand someone's pain before they tell me about it. My emotions change to fit those around me, so when I walk through the halls at school sometimes my mood fluctuates based on who I'm passing. Eyes are where their entire life story is written. Do not be afraid to look your care receiver in the eye, because they need to know that you are confident in your God. Look away, and you look weak. God is our strength, and we must not be afraid of what we'll face! Rather, approach every situation with confidence knowing God is backing you!

Hugs are always good too. This is a little of what God has shown me through my ministry, and if you ever need someone to listen to you, I'd be happy to sit down with you sometime and offer my company. My God, Jesus Christ, has put me on this earth to be an encouragement to those around me, and I would love to be an encouragement to you as well! Let me know and we'll find a solid way to get in touch. As you seek out others to help, remember their pain will burn you if you aren't prepared... have Jesus at your side at all times! God bless, and remember to #LiveItLikeJesus.
Oops! Originally forgot to add this picture.