Spiders and Manhood

Here's a short, pretty much unknown anecdote taken straight outta the pages of my life. Try not to laugh TOO hard, because it's true!

One year (I think I was in sixth grade), my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the summer camp I had always gone to. They teach you Jesus, have you do fun activities, the whole bit. It was great... unless you are a sixth grader. That's when you are top dog and don't want to hang around all the little kids, so I was pretty sure I didn't want to go. Then my mom handed me a pamphlet that offered an adventure camp for sixth graders ONLY. We would camp underneath the stars, with no tents, learn to build our own fires, tell ghost stories... it would be awesome! Plus, on the second-to-last afternoon, we would canoe down the river, and to the high school camp where we would bunk down for the night, right there on the lakefront.

I was PSYCHED. I had my mom pay the extra money, and I started daydreaming about how great it would be. I would become a MAN. I would tell the scariest ghost stories, have the greatest fires, roast the most golden smores. Plus, we'd be without tents, on the cold, hard ground. I would have man-points credited to my account left and right. I would come back like a lumberjack, with bulging muscles and sandpaper beard and flannel shirts. It would be glorious.

Summer FINALLY arrived, and the long car ride was made even longer by my anticipation. Eventually I found myself hiking up a mountain, with my sleeping bag and my man-pack of man-things, like a toothbrush and comb. The trail flattened out and opened to a clearing. On the far side was some flat rocks and then a cliff (couldn't have been more than 10 feet), with trees growing sparsely through the rocky soil. The gals on the trip got to sleep in a lean-to, and I was a little jealous, but I chided myself because a man would take the ground. A man always does the most manliest things.

As the evening wound down, we sat around, anticipating what tomorrow would be like. We talked about how glorious it was, to be up past the time when the rest of camp would have called lights out, staring at the stars through the leaves of the trees above. And then we too were told to go to sleep.

I put my head on my pillow, snuggled into my sleeping bag, and relished every moment I felt a tree root stab into my back. "I'm now a man," I thought to myself. I loved feeling the rocks through my pillow; I really did. If this is how you became a man, well, hey. I'm all for it. As I was trying to get comfortable, I felt my nose itching. I was told once about how your brain can create itches, so I tried to ignore it. It was nothing. Pretty soon my entire face was crawling, and I couldn't help but twist and wrinkle my face to try and make it stop. I still hadn't opened my eyes; my brain was playing tricks on me.

That's when I heard the other guys sniggering. They were trying to keep quiet, but they couldn't. Whatever it was, it was just too funny. So I ran my hand over my face, and opened my eyes and sat up to see what was going on. Big mistake.

All around me, I saw daddy longlegs scattering from where I had brushed them off. They were on top of my sleeping bag, frozen because the warmth had moved, and I quickly brushed them aside. One daddy long-leg crawled a little too close to one of the guys, and he promptly picked it up and threw it at me. I scrambled to my feet, feeling furious, humiliated, and mostly, terrified. I hate spiders. Always have. This just reinforced that in my mind.

If somehow you're out there, Mr. Counselor, reading this, I have to apologize. I was a nuisance for the rest of the week. I stayed close to your side, asking you to spot out all the spiders and keep me safe, terrified they might attack again. While we were canoeing, I almost flipped the boat because a spider was on a log a few feet away. I really am sorry. I'm not over my fear, but I've learned how to handle fear.

I'm always telling people to live with no regrets, and for the most part, I do. Everything that has happened to me or that I have done I'm okay with. It made me who I am today, and I've learned to not live in the past. But, if there was one thing I could change, it would be to not be a wimp. I'd go back there and show those idiots that spiders on my face will make me cringe, but hey. There's a lot more to being a man than taking on a few spiders.

Fear often controls us, even if it's irrational. We often don't realize that what we are afraid of is usually harmless. We can stand up and face it, or we can cower in a corner and let it rule over us. God has equipped us to battle fear; Ephesians 6 tells us this. We can conquer because Jesus has already overcome! I believe that God not only sent Jesus to die JUST for our sin, because with sin comes fear and burdens and restlessness. When Jesus died, He did not only cleanse us from sins, but He comforted our fear, shouldered our burdens, and calmed our restlessness. When we live in fear, we don't live in Jesus. We need to stop stressing, and start living. Living for Christ.

Being a man isn't about being tough-as-nails. Being a man is about being subservient to Christ, and leading by example. It's also about being tender hearted to those who follow, and listening to their needs. This is why the best leaders are those that serve. Leaders don't demand action, they DO action and ask others to follow them. Jesus didn't ask us to walk through fear alone. He went through fear, and He came out of it. He sweat blood He was so afraid. Next time that happens, give me a call. Or, better yet, call 911. Probably a better option.

My point is, we make fear out to be this huge scary thing. It's a daddy long-leg; it's got a scary appearance but no bite. The spider's fangs cannot penetrate skin because they are so small, you wouldn't even feel their bite. Handling fear is putting it down to size. Look at it from Jesus's perspective, and let it go. He's got you safe in His arms. Nothing can touch you.

Am I still afraid of spiders? More so than ever. But hey, even if I'm bitten by a black widow, it cannot hurt me. I'll just get to Jesus's arms a little sooner than I expected, and I am fine with that! As we learn to handle fear, let's #LiveItLikeJesus and put it in the Father's hands.