October 16, 2014

Last night, someone that attended my high school commited suicide. I know the brother of the person who took their own life. Tragedy is not isolated to those that seem distant, sometimes it hits close to home.

Woke up this morning and started my daily routine. The first I heard of the death was when my mom checked the phone's messages from last night: my principal had called to explain things. Recognizing the last name, I was struck, but not sad, just worried for others. I continued my daily routine.

FCA meets on Thursday mornings for our school, and while I was attending that we prayed for the family. We then headed out to the flagpole, and on the way, I was asked by members of the FCA if I would lead in prayer. Not knowing the diseased or the family, I just let Jesus do His thing. After lowering the flag to half staff and standing in a somber silence, people slowly began to drift away. I stayed for a while, profoundly impacted by just went on. Amidst the tragic events, we had over 100 students gathered at the flagpole for prayer; more than SYATP a few weeks earlier. God was clearly at work.

I walked back into the halls and dreaded talking. I just wanted to contemplate and think, but people asked me mundane questions about homework and tests and I answered them as concisely as possible and went back to my thoughts. My first class was awkward because instead of my usuall optimistic self, I was withdrawn and introspective. My teacher saw that the entire class was affected and pushed our test back until next week. Eventually I was distracted and participated in activities and joked with friends again.

By lunch time, the subject came up again. It was then that God led the conversation and I exhorted my friends to think about death and where they are headed, followed by my testimony. They had questions for me, and I answered as best as I could, investing in 6 lives sitting around the table. Jesus was using this death for His glory. It was really cool to see how He worked all around me. Now, sitting in my room and thinking about it again, I realize how big a difference death makes. I had no clue who this kid was and yet I am pondering and thinking... I am sure of my eternal destination, how much more so are those that don't know what their eternity looks like? 

I hear a lot of talk about acting like a Christian because actions speak louder than words. This is so true. But I feel like we say this to rationalize our silence. What good is it if we look like Christ but never speak His name? We will be a bunch of do-gooders who never explain why we do what we do. Actions and words need to be used in conjunction; we are called to act like Him through love and proclaim His name to the ends of the earth. Speaking Jesus's name is terrifying, but the Spirit will give us strength. And if we try and speak Jesus's name in OUR strength, we will inadvertantly end up shoving the gospel down people's throats, which also is detrimental to the faith. We are called to love Jesus, which means listening to Him speaking through the Spirit. He will tell us when to act and when to proclaim. And always, always remember that He has grace enough for you and the one you are influencing. God is not above saving anyone; in fact, He will try and save EVERYONE.