Simply Living

Living simply, and leading a fulfilling life, is just this: simply living.

Sometimes I wonder about just how often the disciples - and us - miss the depth of wisdom in Jesus's teaching. A passage I have read so often, Matthew 6:25-34, explains why worrying is such a futile exercise. While I have read it many times, and gained much from it, I was struck again this evening by Jesus's words.

Jesus doesn't want us worrying about anything because it keeps us from peace. As I've been on vacation, I've been happily surprised to find that I am the most relaxed I have been in a very long time. I hadn't really noticed, but I face "...anxious concerns within me, agony in my mind every day," (Psalm 13:2). I just have too much that I feel I must do.

Books lie on my shelf, half-read, because I never find the time to read them. Magazines that could be strengthening my faith get shoved in a box for 'later.' Stubbornly refusing to use a planner, I struggle to keep my many responsibilities in order. And, worst of all, with the easy access I have to instant communication, I feel it my duty to upkeep my friendships; and, when I don't, worrying and feeling anxious about those I haven't contacted in a while. All of these things weigh heavily on my mind.

By God's grace, I've made it this far. Almost every evening I go to bed exhausted, not necessarily because of all the work I've done (though that happens often enough), but because of all the worrying I've done. I like to have a plan, and I like to execute plans.

God's teaching me to delegate, which is so difficult for me, because I like to be in control. However, I simply cannot upkeep my lifestyle. One very good friend of mine noticed my plight while I was at Leadership, and offered to take some responsibility. All I needed to do was send an email, but because they offered to send it, it was a HUGE burden off my shoulders. It's gotten so bad that remembering to send an email fills me with dread.

People will say I have too much going on, but I have a lot of free time. God's blessed me with a good memory, so that I can remember all I've learned or keep track of what I must do. This makes studying much easier, and therefore, I have some extra time. I fill my time volunteering, upkeeping relationships, and spending time alone... which isn't that relaxing anymore.

My anxiousness has infected even my alone time, so that I can get no mental rest. Social media is one of my best friends, and I am able to encourage many through it; that is one thing God has for me right now. But it's also the source of most of my angst, for I have to manage my relationships. To be completely honest, I get stressed and frustrated when those who are not close friends of mine text me, because it's more of my alone time gone. It's hard for me to refuse to have a conversation, but I'm getting better.

I feel assaulted so often by everything I feel I must do. And even now, writing this, the stress is creeping back as I think about all these things. And I'm realizing life was not meant to be lived this way.

"Jesus retreated to speak with His Father; I know that I need it! My career is growing, but tell me, where am I going if my time with God is depleted? God, I'm sorry, I mean it! All I wanna do is walk with You, but my priorities are wrong; I talk about You more than I talk with You!" - Andy Mineo, "Death of Me"

This vacation, away from much of the angst has really blessed me. I can just sit and ponder, and relax. I can go a few minutes, an hour, even a day without my stress eating at me. And knowing what it's like to live without worries, it scares me to know that I live with them almost constantly.

When Jesus said not to worry, I believe it goes so much deeper than just our understanding of worry. If you know me, I'm pretty laid back (I hope) and don't get worked up about grades or test or anything like that. My worries seem to be more subtle; an underlying fear that I will fail someone.

This is what Jesus was talking about. The fear of failure and rejection. That we won't wear the right clothes, or eat the right foods, or go the right places. That maybe tomorrow, all that we have will be gone. That those who love us won't anymore. That if I don't remember everything I promise to do, they won't like me anymore. My over-promise, under-deliver strategy is a self-sustaining cycle, where it only feeds itself. And it leaves no room for grace.

Sometimes, it's okay to let someone else handle a job. Many times, that someone is Jesus. It's not my responsibility to pour into the life of everyone around me; it's my responsibility to look like Christ. If God asks me to invest my life in another, well, great! But otherwise, why try and do a work that Jesus has not given me to work on? Even Moses delegated responsibility when Israel grew too big. I could learn from that, and learn to lean on those around me more.

"'What you're doing is not good,' Moses's father-in-law [Jethro] said to him. 'You will certainly wear out both yourself and these people who are with you, because the task is too heavy for you. You can't do it alone.'" - Exodus 18:17-18

Living simply is just simply living. Moving from one day to the next, doing what we can in the time we have. We use what we're given, and reach those we're able. It's not a lifestyle of working for a God that demands more than what we're able, but a lifestyle of serving a God that invites us to do what we can. We join Him in His work, we don't have to go it alone ourselves. Allowing room for grace in our lives, and delegation to others who are able, betters us with less angst and the ability to #LiveItLikeJesus.