Back to the Basics

Faith and trust in uncomfortable times can be difficult.

I can't say that I've been through hard times. Jesus has blessed my family with so much; love for each other, money to use for His glory, and a community that is God-fearing and/or very friendly. While crime happens here, it is not in the same magnitude as other places. But I know what it's like to be uncomfortable. I've been physically uncomfortable, emotionally uncomfortable, and spiritually uncomfortable. Many times they all hit at once.

These past few days have been very hard. We're not exactly sure, but my Lyme disease may be acting up again. I haven't been sleeping well this past week. I took some synthetic melatonin (the drug produced naturally by the brain to help with sleep) last night, which should have helped me sleep, but I was restless and was awake in the middle of the night for a bit.

As my physical state deteriorates, and I struggle to keep up with my VERY busy schedule, my emotional and spiritual state also begins to fail. I'm dealing with more fear and self-doubt than usual, and I'm not responding to God's promptings on my life. My faith and my trust deteriorate when things don't go my way.

And this helps nothing! Because I look back and see my failures, and all I can think is, "Man, God can't really love someone who turns their back as soon as the going gets tough." And I try to follow Him and keep it together. But I always fail. I can't win. And it's tearing at me.

I've been here before. Sometimes, it helps to start at a very basic truth and then logically think outwards towards more complex thoughts:

God is in control.
I gave my life to Him.
He desires me to love Him, and to love others.
I have not loved Him or others consistently.
If I were loving Him, then I would be following His commands.
Since I do not love Him as I should, He can't truly love me.

And that's where the train derails. It's a lie, inspired by either my flesh or the enemy, that is farthest from the truth. Conditionality is not something in our God's vocabulary. His love is UNCONDITIONAL. And that means that no matter how bad or broken my love is, His love will keep on flowing to me! One of my favorite verses, 2 Timothy 2:13, says, "...when we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."

Wow! Since I have joined myself to Christ (talked about in my last post), and His Spirit lives inside of me, He cannot deny His love from flowing to me. It would be denying His Spirit in me His love, which He cannot do, because He cannot deny Himself. It'd be like a mechanic who doesn't work on his own car.

So I can change that last truth to really say, "EVEN THOUGH I do not love Him as I should, He STILL loves me."

Grace. It's an amazing, dynamic force that keeps me going. In times like this, I'm reminded of my old self that Jesus saved me from. I used to have depression pretty bad; I was also headed down the road towards suicide, although I hadn't reached that point of desperation yet when God found me. And when I feel the same emotional, physical, or spiritual stress, I find strength to press on.

The only reason I hold on to life, the reason I'm still here with you guys, is because of Jesus and His promise. His promise to return, or to take me home. The reason I plow through with a stubborn 'we can do this' mentality is because I know that if God wants me here, I'll stay here, and if God wants me home, He'll take me. Lord knows I'm ready. There isn't much tying me to this earth, when compared to the magnitude of Jesus's force keeping me here. If He left (thank goodness He won't!!), I might just float away.

"I know, I know, we fight against gravity,
but gravity is no enemy!
Yes, I know, I know, we fight against gravity,
but gravity is what we need;
it's pulling Heaven down!" - Royal Tailor

Of course, Royal Tailor isn't talking about literal gravity. The Latin word that gravity is derived from can also mean seriousness, or heaviness. Like emotional, physical, or spiritual stress. And while we feel it brings us down to the lowest points, it also draws heaven down closer to us. We can see our God more clearly, through a clear lens, than when it's clouded with life's distractions. And the hope we can find in a simple understanding of Him gives a lot more hope than all the complex theologies we can learn or understand.

Sometimes, it's helpful to remind yourself of basic truths. Start simple, and then work your way towards the complex. And don't let lies get thrown in; otherwise your lens becomes clouded.

God created us. 
He created us for His glory.
He died for us, so that He could love us; BECAUSE He loved us.
We, as Christians, are called to love Him back.
We don't always measure up.
We fail. 
He forgives us anyway.
He restores us despite our rebellion.
He reaches down to meet us where WE are at, and offers us grace.
He doesn't want to meet us on our terms, because we aren't perfect or omniscient.
He breaks us down in order to make us surrender unconditionally.
Only through an unconditional surrender can we experience an unconditional love.
He loves unconditionally.

Whatever you're facing tonight, recognize God's grace. Find the hope to press on in His promise that one day, we'll be with Him. Renew your faith by reviewing the truths of your faith. And, through His strength and by His grace, strive to #LiveItLikeJesus.