Beautiful Silence

Silence. Glorious, beautiful silence. That serene moment between a breath in and a breath out, when we are unable to speak, but only able to listen.

It's the same moment when you know you are most alive. There's some metaphysical connection between the lungs and the soul, and when we are most full of life-breath, that's when we're most aware of our own life.

Intentional breathing, I'm finding, is increasingly important. This past week on Tuesday, my world came to a crashing halt because I forgot to breathe.

See, two weeks ago, I had an interview with my college of choice, as well as an interview with a missions organization that will, in August, send me to Zambia. They happened on two separate evenings, and each took about forty-five minutes.

My workload from school is pretty big, but I've always managed my volunteer work and the homework really well, especially since I don't do any sports. I was a well-oiled machine, and I always had time to get it all done, even if I was a little tired the next morning. Staying close to Jesus wasn't too difficult, though there were times when I struggled.

These two interviews, though they were not long, set me behind schedule – just enough – that all of a sudden, when I was previously standing on solid ground, I began to sink beneath the burden of expectation.

I stayed up late, and I woke up early, desperately trying to get caught up. Instead, I just lost sleep. Stressed, exhausted, and overwhelmed, I got home from school last Tuesday and sat myself down in my room. My textbooks loomed high in a pile on my desk, and I couldn't get out from under their shadow. I was suffocating, and soon, I'd be another victim of asphyxiation.

I hadn't forgotten to let my body breathe, but I had forgotten to let my spirit breathe. I burdened myself too much and crushed my lungs, leaving me gasping for breath.

I sent a desperate message to this awesome group – filled with young men and women who love Jesus and bless me so much (here's to you, Leadership!) – asking them to pray for me. Many responded with words of encouragement and prayer, but mostly, practical advice. They told me to not do my homework, to pray, to worship, and to get lots of sleep. And so I did. In a way, they were telling me to let myself breathe again.

The next morning, I felt much better. I didn't feel on top of the world, but the burden was gone and I had the strength to face another day. Thankfully, God graciously worked things out at school so that I wasn't penalized for my lack of homework. That evening, I took off from my regular commitments, and I spent that time working on homework carefully, being with my family, and spending time with Jesus.

Now, on the other side of things, I can praise my God for showing me such an important truth. I had always read Matthew 11:28-30 to mean that we should go to Jesus when we need strength and rest, but to continue chasing after things that He called us to. And in a sense, that's true; I just hadn't realized that some of the time, He calls us to slow down, and rest.

I remember riding the bus to school on Wednesday, feeling ready to attack the day, when I thought to myself, "Alright God, You got me through last night. What are we gonna do today?" I was expecting to have to enter the battlefield again, but frankly, that would've fried me all over. Instead, I felt God telling me to slow down, and to stop trying so hard to do things. He helped me to realize that what I am doing for Him isn't important in light of what He's ALREADY done for me.

Jesus's death on the cross should be our inspiration daily. We can't run around this earth, trying and trying to do things the right way, because we'll soon forget to breathe. When we slow down, and we take time to remember what God has already done for us, we learn to breathe again. Even Jesus took time off when He needed to. Although He was the Son of God, He got away from the craziness of the world around Him, met with God, and just breathed.

If we are to #LiveItLikeJesus, we must learn to intentionally breathe. Today, I was able to ride my bike, play with my dogs, and write this post, and that was such a huge blessing.

"Just breath; just breathe.

Come and rest at My feet,

and be, just be!

Chaos calls, but all you really need

is to just breathe." - Jonny Diaz

"Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30