Sunday, September 25, 2016

The End of Me

I take the final few steps to reach the edge of the expanse, toes dangerously close to the ledge. As I look out and search the empty darkness for a sign of anything, I know that I’ve hit the end of my journey. This is the end of the road, the end of my journey; the end of myself.

The chaos and busyness of the past week lies behind me, but I dare not go back to its dangerous currents. Too often they sweep me in and carry me far from where I’d like to be. Dripping wet, I stand on the edge of the expanse and look.

I reflect on what has led me here yet again. Distractions - one after the other - have led me far from the path I set out on. Grace - over and beyond - has led me back with a gentle grip to where I need to be. Escaping from the noise, I find my way to the outskirts of this place and stand on the cliff-edge,  far from the city of distraction, in the quietness at the end. The end of myself. And I search.

As I peer into the darkness - reflective of who I am, in wonderment of who I may become - I hear a whisper in the quiet stillness:

I love you, My child.

A pinpoint of light appears in the darkness. My heart fills with hope as its soft amber light slowly fills the expanse with its radiance. Who am I to accept this love? And as light fills the space, the questions and the doubts start to evaporate. Then, I hear the Voice again:

“Because you are lovingly devoted to Me, I will deliver you.”

But I know that I am not devoted to Him like I should be. I’m broken by the intercession of His Son, Jesus Christ, Who IS lovingly devoted to His Father, and Who covers me. I am counted as one of God’s own sons.

“I will deliver you; I will exalt you because you know My name.”

A name I so often forsake, and yet, the One I run to when trouble comes. A name so faithful, it covers my own faithlessness, and finds me here at the end of myself. Though I hardly exalt His name, He promises to exalt me. Grace so overwhelming could not be found in anyone else.

“When you call out to Me, I will answer you; I will be with you in trouble.”

His presence is inescapable. When I’m distracted, or when I’m in the wilderness, He is there. There is nowhere I could go that He isn’t already there. Even though He is everywhere, He is not overbearing; instead, His presence is a blessing and a place of refuge when I need to get away, and a strong arm against the dangers I face daily.

“I will rescue you and give you honor.”

The reality of this statement is hard to believe. Can it really happen? After the chaotic week; after my forgetfulness of the important; after my mistakes and failures, He promises to rescue me? I have done nothing for Him, and He extends this kindness in response to His unfailing, overflowing love. Not only will I be rescued, but He will honor me as His own child; He will call me His son. What an amazing God!

“I will satisfy you with a long life and show you My salvation.”

The promise of a life spent with Him, never ending, in light of His salvation. What an awesome gift! I am in awe that my God would give such an incredible gift to me; eternal life spent with Him, the Lover of my soul. The One who holds me in the crook of His arm; my best friend; my closest confidante; my greatest refuge. My Daddy, and my Savior. This is the One whom I love; the One whom I fail; the One who restores me again. And this is the One I will serve.

I sit down, at the edge of the expanse, with my legs dangling over the edge. No longer afraid of the darkness, for the darkness has turned to light. At the end of myself, I find my God once again.


“This is the time, this is the place,
this is the end of me.
Where failure sets in, and I just can’t win,
this is where You begin!” - Among the Thirsty

~~ The words in quotations are from Psalm 91:14-16, unless otherwise noted ~~

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