Jesus, how did I ever get so lucky to have You find me?
Before You showed up, I was filled with doubt. I had grown up learning about You, but nothing really seemed to line up, because even though You were a good God, I felt pain. I didn't understand it at the time, but those experiences were for the best. I cried out to You, but it felt like no one was listening. I was filled with anger towards a God that I doubted even existed. And instead of wiping me off the face of the earth, You just watched and waited. You waited with me. Although I couldn't hear You, You cried with me. Although I couldn't see You, tears streamed down Your face. When I felt the most alone, You desired to give me a shoulder to lean on; but You waited to show up until I was ready.
That night when I had given up hope, when I decided to stop crying out to You, I felt empty. I let go of the only hope I knew - the hope of a Savior - because I had not experienced salvation from my circumstance. I stared at the ceiling, wondering what I was going to do now that I concluded that You no longer existed, contemplating my fate.
On my own, I found only darkness and a void. There was no light in me, and although many would have claimed You were there with me, I wouldn't have believed it. I do now, Jesus. I see Your hand in my past so clearly now.
Because of my limited vision, all I can ever find is darkness. There is nothing for me to see apart from You, because apart from You, I am blind.
But Jesus, You showed up. You opened my ears to hear the knock on my soul that night. I thought it was a knock on my door, and I was confused. So You revealed to me, through Your word, that You wanted to be in my life. When I had stopped searching for You, You found me. You made Yourself known.
Jesus, do You remember that night? How the song on the radio reminded me of Your love, and how great it is? Do You remember how I cried when I realized You were real, when before I had somehow missed the glaring truth? Do You remember how You took my pain and separated me from it, and gave me a new life to live?
Jesus, that was the first time I met You. But it wouldn't be the last.
What about the time I had decided to turn my eyes from You to look upon the pleasures of this world? I had decided I knew what was best for my life. I slowly felt the darkness and void creeping in, and Your quiet, still voice convicted me. It wasn't easy, but You led me out of that place and gave me a purpose for my life, however simple: to give up living by the rules, and instead live alongside You. To live with You in a beautiful, intimate, dynamic relationship.
That day You started a great work in me. And while, I guess, You had always been working on me, this was the day You started working with me. Do You remember? Do You remember when You put others looking for hope in my path, and I stumbled through the process of pointing them to You? All that time, Jesus, You were showing me how to love.
You put me in leadership positions that presided over many of my life activities. You showed me how to change the world for the better, and how to lead by serving. By example, Jesus, You led me to understand that leadership is really just showing others the way by doing it yourself. You lived a life that demonstrates the way I must live my life. Jesus, I want to live like You.
Jesus, do You remember when You first had me write? I wrote a paragraph that was simple, but it was for You. And You took my offering, and turned it into something wonderful. Now, I am astounded every day to see Your hand on my pen. You excite me, Jesus, because I know that You're going to do great things in my life. They may not seem great to me, but You will be glorified. Help me to be content with that, and not seek my own glory.
How could I ever have gotten so lucky? Jesus, out of the abundance of Your heart, You gave Your life so that I may live. And now that I'm indebted to You, You give me freedom - You've cleared my ledger. I owe You nothing; and yet, I want to give You everything. You didn't just give Your life, You chose to stoop down to my level and live life with me. I stumble, and fall, and push You away, but You are always there to hold me close.
Recently, Jesus, I had my blinders on again. I couldn't see You, and I started to grow frustrated because I couldn't see You. I was exhausted physically, and tired of a complacency that I couldn't seem to shake. I cried out to You, but I received no answer.
Jesus, You've opened my eyes again. Gratitude and thankfulness are what draw me close to Your heart. When You seem so far away, crying out for help doesn't bring help. It's thankfulness that reminds me of how close You really are. This letter to You serves as proof; for I am closer to You now than before. Jesus, thank You for finding me and changing my life. For blessing me from the abundance of Your heart with a loving family, a beautiful community, and plenty of what I need, and much of what I could want.
Jesus, help me to give to others out of the abundance You've given me. Let my time not go to waste, but to be used to glorify You. But most of all Jesus, grow me in Your likeness. Let me learn to live it like You did. Let those who look at me see You, for You are the God of our salvation.
Your grateful servant,
-David Fletcher
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